Weeeeeeeee!

I think I have an inner masochist who breaks out occasionally.

Ok, so for the last week or so, I've been giving Plate more and more nappy-free time, having been (somewhat) inspired by a woman who advocated elimination communication1. Stupid name aside, I thought the whole idea was sound - I'm pretty sure when I was growing up, my childminder did that with one of the toddlers she looked after. From the Diaper Free Baby website, elimination communication3 is "... a gentle, natural, non-coercive process by which a baby, preferably beginning in early infancy, learns with the loving assistance of parents and caregivers to communicate about and address his or her elimination needs." Or as I like to call it, learning when Plate needs to pee or poo (peepoo!).

We've had a few accidents, mainly because, either I didn't get the signals, or she just unconsciously let go. Today, we had signals! So I whipped her over the loo, did all the "sh-sh-sh" noises... nope. Nothing4. But she managed to get her grubby mitts grubbier by grabbing the toilet rim, so I got a little stand, filled the sink and got her to stand on it to wash her hands. Which she duly did... accompanied by her personal little fountain all over the stand, her feet, my feet, the basin column and the floor. How we laughed.

Ayah!5

Still, I will persist. I am looking forward to trying out my friend, Dee's, Potty Bench by Boon (left). 

It's a pretty serious piece of kit - it comes with its own toilet paper dispenser, a drawer for wipes and closes down into a seat/bench that can take the weight of an adult. Everyone should have one! 

This thing looks pretty cool too:

 

It's called My Carry Portable Potty!

I think I've completely screwed up the layout of this post. Oh well. 

Good night!

1. It was on 'How to be a Good Mother with Sharon Horgan' on Channel 4. The woman in question was a militant disciple of The Continuum Concept2 and was a husband-domineering, always-campaigning, always-right mother of one (basically, me! So we repel each other like magnets). I disliked her from the minute she started spouting off in that grating self-righteous way that all fundamentalists seem to have. But, much as I can't stand the phrase, I thought elimination communication was pretty cool.

2. The Continuum Concept is a book written by Jean Liedloff who believed that we need to go back to our primitive ways of raising children in order to achieve 'optimal physical, mental and emotional development'. It's essentially an account of her years with the Yequana and Sanema tribe in Venezuela, and her observations of their child-rearing methods. So far so interesting - I will read it someday, when I am no longer the mother of a baby and thus touchy about my way - what put me off was this: Jean Liedloff never had children of her own. From what I could glean, she never adopted or fostered either. It would be like seeking sex advice from a nun who was still a virgin and never been kissed. 


3. The website shortens it to EC, which I can't stand! Why does it need to be shortened? You can obviously type - stop being lazy!


4. I can only imagine what she must have thought about that!


5. I find myself saying that at least twice a day, every day now. For Singaporeans, yes, hear it in your heads exactly the way your mum/aunt/Ah Mah would say it. Yes, in that tone. 

Viewing, Reducing and a Cheese-related incident

The Leaning Tower of Boxa

So we went to see this one-bed flat in a great location - minutes from Sainsbury's, 20 minutes' walk to work, not too far to childminder's - and was disappointed. (Despite it being an optimistic blue sky day!).

There was so much promise in the pics, but it had a weird L shaped hallway so the whole place didn't flow so much as judder around tight corners. It did have a good vibe about it, but whoever lived there had tidied themselves away so well I couldn't get a sense of how he enjoyed living there, something that is quite important to me1. I would also go with a different estate agent if I was the owner. For example, as soon as we stepped through the door, she shut it behind us... and shut out all the light, leaving us in darkness while she tried to find the light switch. It was not a good start. Then when I asked about the owners, she didn't know who lived there! She had nothing persuasive to say about the place, had no history to hand, nothing to even begin to convince us even a little bit that this was a good apartment. Tut, tut. I expect much more from someone who is being paid to show (sell) my house. So we will not be making an offer on it.

No more tape shelves & Elvira *Sniff*

As for our own preparations for sale, well, the kitchen slowly being stripped back and we are finding nooks and crannies that shouldn't be there. Bits and pieces are being packed away: today all my recipe books -- bar a handful I use most often -- FBB's collection of lighters, and various misc. We've reduced our eight jars of change to one giant Marmite2 jar and one piggy bank, and did several loads of laundry. Things are moving, albeit through Marmite.

On the baby front, FBB swooped on a bargain bit of dolcelatte from Tesco and we've been yumming it up... until Plate woke up with bright red splotches all over her body the next day. Could it be the delicious blue cheese? Oh no! We just had to find out. She had some more at lunch and by 2pm the splotches had spread up her neck, over one cheek, and down her legs3. No more dolcelatte for baby! Too bad - she was really enjoying it too.

I find myself being amazed at how quickly she's developing: she now tells me when she wants to go to bed, is very confident going up the stairs, is now very good at letting me know when she does/doesn't want something, and is gaining speed with the walking. I expect she will be ready for shoes in about a month4. The great thing is watching her sense of humour developing - she started with teasing us with objects, holding it out then taking it back, now she plays peek-a-boo with us, hide & seek (well, I hide, she "finds") and she thinks biting is hilarious. Go figure.

Anyway, it's not quite two minutes to midnight, but mummy needs to get some shut eye before Plate wakes up at 3.30am. No, I don't know why either.

1. When we first walked into our house, we both felt an immediate sense of warmth, of welcome. And as we meandered through the house, even though it had been stripped down and re-painted, there were still traces of a happy life spent here. Of course, all of it was gut feel - and scientists have recently shown that we do have a second brain in there, so to all you sceptics - please imagine two fingers being merrily flicked your way. More about the second brain here http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=gut-second-brain
(yes, yes, I am oversimplifying but I call it creative licence!)


2.http://www.presentsformen.co.uk/giant-marmite-jar-money-box-prod8365/?src=base&utm_source=google&utm_medium=base&utm_campaign=products



3. She's really been in the wars these last few days: along with the red splotches, her left eye swelled up as well which was a mystery. We didn't remember her falling over and hitting herself there. Did she hit herself on her cot? She does thrash about a lot. Hmm. FBB: Did she roll off our mattress into the radiator? Me (indignantly): I don't think so! Since she would have screamed blue murder and I would have heard! But after we cut her off from the cheese, the swelling went down. Aha! It was a cheese-related black eye. You heard it here first!


4. Which Grandfolk will be pleased to fund! Yay!

Optimistic blue skies

What a beautiful couple of days it has been! The sky has been the very essence of blue, accented by puffs of cloud being pushed gently along by cool zephyrs. The warm sushine permeated everything and everyone, filling the air with the sweet scent of good things to come. Everywhere pulsed with promise...

As we trundled along the streets in our car at lunchtime, we all three couldn't help but feel optimistic. So we optimistically booked a viewing of a flat for sale which we are optimistically thinking we're going to love. We are also optimistically hoping the owners will refuse to sell to investors and will only sell to a small family, looking to downsize.

Like I said, optimistic.

Meanwhile, Operation De-clutter is chug-chug-chugging along... Well, at least the Men and Nana are getting on with it. Sadly, mama is still out of it. By the time I put Plate down to bed, I'm usually half- or all the way asleep myself1.

Through the medium of preparing the walls for fresh paint, we found that the previous owners had left a lot of holes. Our kitchen is now pockmarked with filler. We also discovered that the cooker hood hadn't actually been hooked up (Aha! So much is explained!).

The house is now filled with towers of empty boxes, waiting to be stuffed with our belongings and memories2. Over the last few days, I've been taking down the posters, our toys, excess books, and other knick knacks and storing away them away. And still it's not clear. Must hang in there!

Yesterday, FBB took down the tape shelf and packed them all into two boxes. It's amazing how big the room feels with nothing on the walls. I keep thinking we need to fill it!

Progress may be snail-like, but every foot of house revealed seems to proportionately increase its size. Which is great of course, but gives me a little ping of sadness.

As FBB keeps telling us, it's not our house anymore.

1. So here is a controversial issue: as long as she's ill, she won't go to sleep unless I nurse her all the way to sleep. Then when she wakes up, she will only be nursed back, which happens even when she's well. I don't mind right now, but I am slightly worried that she won't let go of the boob. On the other hand, there is a big part of me that has faith that she will grow out of it. I hope it's not the pills.

2. FBB has been down the local Tesco every morning collecting as many boxes as he can carry. I had to get him to stop when we needed the sat nav to navigate through to the kitchen.

Intermission

Believe it or not the last two nights were rather trying.

First, I fell asleep while putting Plate to sleep and woke up only when FBB came to bed three hours later! So that was Monday night burned.

Tuesday night, we had a family "discussion" after Plate went to bed, i.e., the Outlaws talked and I listened/protested/got a bit tense1.

I really hate talking about money. Specifically, I hate having to articulate just how I got us into this mess. I hate talking about how I foolishly borrowed too much and all the stupid things I did to lead us to this point. The thing is - and this is key - I don't regret any of it. So we have to now dig ourselves out, but by god we had some good times in that hole, as well as some tragic ones, all of which have led to our precious Plate. If I had been sensible, cautious and thrifty, our lives would have been infinitely paler. And I doubt if we would have got our baby. I would also have had to deny someone whose life was already blighted by a terrible illness the little joys a little retail therapy afforded. I just couldn't do it. Yes, it was financial folly, but I find I don't care that much. I care that others do. And that stresses me out.

Grumble.

In other news, when we find our camera (it's in the living room somewhere) I will share with you the Great Box Tower in our hallway. It made me smile.

1. According to FBB, I got a bit shouty. I hadn't realised just how tense I was. And the fact that I am now sneaking in a blog when I should be working is another indicator of just how much the discussion bothers me. I wish we could sell and move without getting the Outlaws involved at all. Hate, hate! upsetting them.

The dreaded cold has struck! And other stuff

I am so glad to be sat at Chopper1 typing this post -- it's been a trying couple of days.

Operation De-clutter has sloooooowed right down as the Plate is virus-fighting and taking heavy fire. Poor bub. Usually, she's quite chipper despite a dribbly nose and a 60-a-day cough. But on Saturday,  she cried at the slightest bump and clung to me like a sucker fish that had been starved for weeks. So she spent most of that day asleep on me. I suppose with a nose like a leaking tap, possibly a pounding head and a sore bum, comfort was all that mattered and mummy's boobs were the best. Plus, I soaked up the snot2. Unfortunately, that meant that I too slept and was thus sleepless in Mepal at 3am on Sunday. But it was worth it - Plate was feeling much better today - especially after the two-hour nap this morning (which she had done only three times since she was born). However, that meant that we had got nothing done.

The delay was further compounded by the discovery that our washing machine had sprung a leak and our utility room was now a puddle. Albeit a fuzzy one3. The Men (FBB and Granddad A) braved the cold and managed to fix it -- luckily for us, it was just frozen pipes coming apart after the thaw, so easy to put back together again. FBB and I had nightmare visions of something broken inside the machine. Phew!

Sadly, FBB is also now bunged up, but is valiantly pressing on with Operation De-clutter along with an equally bunged up Granddad A who came down with Plate's cold a few days ago.

And I had this lovely post planned: what's in my nappy bag and a few words about my sling. I guess they would just have to wait till things have returned to normal transmission. Well, I say 'normal'...Anyway, I just wanted to share two TV pleasures4:Lie to Me on Pick TV (*ptui!*5) and Inspector Montalbano on BBC Four. 

My midweek pleasure is Lie To Me. It is simply superb and its excellence is mostly due to Tim Roth. He just draws you in and I can't help but be completely enthralled by his Lightman. The stories are not bad but its real strength is the characters and their relationships with each other. They make me care, dammit!

Saturday nights is the absorbing Inspector Montalbano (Il commissario Montalbano) an Italian detective drama set in a fictional city in Sicily. Again, character-driven with great performances all round. It is the usual maverick detective type show, but the difference is he's charming and likeable and his vice is good food (he forgets his girlfriend is arriving to visit for a plate of lobster!). There are spots of humour, plenty of Italian shruggings and geticulatings. But I like that there is none of the darkness that edge the British equivalents (the hero/heroine are nearly always hovering on the verge of depression)6.

In other news, the new Sainsbury's is quite beautiful in a stylish modern airport way. Yup, that was the highlight of our weekend. Exciting, huh?

Back to work tomorrow. Ayah.


1. Chopper is my MSI Wind Netbook. My iPod is called Plumbelina and FBB's is called Barney. I am so sad like that.

2. Yes, that really as disgusting as it sounds.

3. The stone floor is partially covered in carpet. As the room itself is not insulated, our toes are quite grateful for it.

4. Not so oddly, I now barely watch TV since I left the broadcasting industry. And since I've had Plate, there are whole days where the telly has not been on at all. Shocking.

5. Pick TV is a Sky channel and its 'shop window' on Freeview. The idea is to try to get Freeviewers to convert to Sky so that they can watch excellent shows like Lie to Me. Sky is EVIL. Don't fall for it.

6. Which is not a bad thing. It's what makes British crime dramas so good!

Let sleeping babies lie

Had to share this one as it made me laugh until my cheeks ached.

Plate goes to bed around 8 every night - it's a great ritual for us, even though the first part can be a bit trying.
It starts with the Changing of the Nappy which can sometimes be fraught because, well, who likes having their nappy changed? Then it's the Putting on of the Sleepsuit where we count off the buttons - "One button, ha ha ha ha ha! Two buttons, ha ha ha ha ha!" etc. Then she climbs up the stairs to the bedroom1 with the mummy daddy escort. Once there, the night lights go on, the curtains are drawn, then it's the Throwing of the Baby - basically daddy chucks her onto our bed a few times - which gets lots of giggles. After that, it's the Zipping in of the Sleep Sack (with much Yawning and Rubbing of Eyes) then it's Storytime! Her favourite part I think. Daddy reads, mummy does special effects.Sometimes she gets three books if she's not tired enough. After the story, it's the Goodnight Game: kisses from both of us, group hug, bye bye Daddy and finally, milk from mummy. After about 10 minutes, I lay her in her cot (awake), bid her goodnight and leave her to fall asleep herself. The rest of the night is ours, but we keep an ear open and go up occasionally to make sure she's still breathing.

The night in question we'd heard a thump from upstairs, so FBB went up to investigate. Usually it only takes him a few seconds but this time he stayed up there for about 5 minutes, but there was no crying or other noises. I started to get a bit antsy and was about to go up there when he came down.

Turns out that just as he was bending over her cot, her head shot up! Startled, he leapt down ninja-style to hide behind the headboard - hoping he hadn't just woken her up. He gave her a few seconds, then slowly peeked around - right into her face! Which clearly said  I can SEE you!  She was definitely awake and wondering what game daddy was playing. She sat up and stared at him quite solemnly. So he picked her up and managed to rock her to sleep again, which was lucky.

That was the highlight of my day - my cheeks still ache from the memory!

Something else that made me chuckle today: she spent the good part of an hour playing with a pen whilst sitting on my belly as I lay on the sofa. The funny part? She kept putting the cap of the pen, then the pen itself, into my mouth, then sitting back and clapping her hands in delight, like she'd just created a work of art and was chuffed! Then she'd do it all again! Crazy little thing. But so lovable.

1. Which we will miss since one bed homes are unlikely to be over two floors. She also climbs down herself but she gets distracted2 by the stuff we've stashed on them - bits of car, clothes, gloves, shoes, books, etc. It's a miracle we can actually use the stairs without tripping over something. 

2. But not when going up. It's very Plate.

A love note to our home

I've nearly finished documenting 22 High Street as it is - just have the upstairs left to do. Here are some snaps of the downstairs before it all gets taken down, packed away and magnolia'd.

This is our wall of numbers and our Dalek clock (it lights up when the lights go out!), an excellent gift from Big T, our brother1. Sadly, only the clock gets to come with us, not the wall. When people visit our house for the first time, they get the heebie jeebies because... someone has drawn on the walls! Worse - someone is asking them to draw on the walls! Imagine having to overcome all that childhood conditioning. It's got all our important numbers - GP, dentist, my work ( three jobs in 10 years), FBB's mobile, NHS Direct, friends and family. Over the years, we've asked various family and friends to add their numbers, so it's a wonderful collection of different handwriting styles.

Good times.

And here we have the "Don't Forget!" list - post-Plate, the throw everything into the rucksack method was useless. After the n-th time we had forgotten sun-shield / rain cover / whatever, we drew a list and Blu-tacked it to the main door.

Somehow when FBB and I "grew up" and weighted ourselves with the requisite mortgage, we couldn't quite let go of our rebel yells. So the living room walls are plastered with pages from magazines, comic books, club promo cards and other tear-sheets from our yoof.

I spent today putting most of the toys you can see below into a box. Believe it or not, they're all FBB's - yes, even the  kokeshi dolls. On the top shelf is the skull of a Jack Russell. Dyed purple. No, I don't know why we have it. And these are just the downstairs books. Yes, that is an Elvira calendar. It's strange the things we pick up in our existence. I don't remember when we got the Chinese stress balls from, but I won't forget the day the 10 year old son of a friend opened a box and asked about some brightly coloured sachets that had round rubbery things in them.
 

Our music corner2 - collectively I suppose that's 40 years' worth. Those are audio tapes on the left and CDs on the right. We still have those tapes because they're mix tapes, recordings of live DJ sets off the radio and various oddities we just can't get on CD, and we haven't got around to transferring to the latest format. The top shelf of CD corner also holds three seasons of Angel on VHS - pm me if you would like to have them (oh, you can just see my little golden muse just behind Plate). It also holds my showreels on DigiBeta that I can't.. let... go...
 

We have seven shelves of VHS tapes and FBB wants to keep them all. He's a sentimental one (*cough hoarder!*). Although, we do have recordings of things that you can't get on DVD, e.g. Michelle Yeoh's hosting of Discovery Channel's martial arts season, Channel 5's "Ideas that Shaped the World", and for some reason, a couple of hours of Singapore shopping TV from 1998 including an info-mercial starring Erik Estrada!








 

Guarding our window is a selection of mythical beasts: dragons, a couple of temple lions, lucky cats, a Chinese Buddha and a fortune frog. Oh, and a Magic 8 Ball that featured in shoot with Shannen Doherty many moons ago. I would never have dreamed that someday we would have knick  knacks. Knick knacks! And we love them all! On the other side of the window is the DVD collection. Oddly, we have neither The Crow nor Threesome3. Hmm. Funny, I just realised that.

All the shelves were designed, cut, shaped and put up by FBB. Pretty darn cool I think. I can still remember the day we picked out the sofas. We breezed into DFS, sat down on these cool black leather seats and thought, hey! these are pretty good. But I was being good and commanded that we'd try a few before deciding. We tried every single sofa they had in the store. Guess which one we ended up buying?

Next step: boxing. Yes, very clever, Plate.

1. My brother-in-law, his brother. Our brother? I think that's right.
2. The other corner houses the record collection. FBB is really into music.
3. Films we saw on our first official date. Contrary to popular belief we did actually do regular getting to know you things.

I Just Can't Help Myself!

I know that we should sell first then look at what properties are available out there, but FBB and I just can't help checking properties out! We keep looking at these places and going, "Yeah! We can live there - what a great little house!".

I should be tidying crap away today but I am constantly getting sidetracked. I feel like I am moving in gloop sometimes. Is procrastination and inability to focus for long periods an integral part of my personality? Or are these symptoms of depression?1 Discuss. Just not right now - later, after we've sold the house.

In any case, must pull finger out of keyboard and get moving!

1. Diagnosed and everything. Hit a brick wall a few years ago trying to do too much. 4 hour daily commute + studying part-time + coping with ill relative + suddenly given huge responsibilities at work = great fall. All the king's horses and all the king's men managed to patch me up with counselling and antidepressants but Humpty Dumpty was never quite the same again. The glue that stops me from flying apart is cytalopram. Doesn't get me high or happy - just stops me weeping buckets / raging against the world and allows me to function normally, and care for my family.

Breastfeeding, Nappies & Sleep - What I Learned

Yesterday, I had a lovely visit from a friend whose first baby is due at the end of April. She was positively glowing and looking forward to a hypno home birth. I thought it was wonderful... Then realised, wow! I've changed my tune!

When I was expecting the Plate, I would not even consider the possibility - it was just too terrifying to think about. What if it all went wrong? We were an hour's drive to the nearest maternity unit! But now, if we are lucky enough to be blessed with a second bub1, I would want a home birth. Hopefully by then we would be in more generous digs with a living room big enough for a birthing pool2.

We talked breastfeeding, cloth nappies - they're going for terry towelling ones, more power to them - and that old chestnut, sleeping. So here are my top tips for all the above:

Breastfeeding

1. Get comfy BEFORE you start feeding.

Before you even sit down, get yourself a glass of water and possibly something to nibble on. Basically, you will get hungry/thirsty while you're feeding the little one. Lie down, prop yourself up with a mountain of pillows, pick a well supported arm-chair with a headrest, do whatever it takes to get comfortable, because you are going to be in the same spot for a long time. And this applies to night feeding too - before you go to sleep, if you're not co-sleeping, make sure you're in a good position to pick bub up and snuggle down comfortably. All the literature will tell you not to fall asleep with bub on the sofa - good advice, but chances are you are going to doze off. Just make sure that they can't slide off, or into the bits between sofa and cushion or pillows. 

2. It will hurt

If you're lucky it won't hurt at all, but not one woman I know has so far said that breastfeeding was painless from the start for them. I am lucky that it didn't hurt enough to make me stop. Feeding often and keep lubricating are the keys. I used my own breast milk after every feed and that worked fine. Before the birth, my aureole itched abominably. 'Green Baby Nipple Balm' worked best for me.

3. Expressing milk - go electric!

You really don't want to be hand-pumping (unless you get a kick out of it, of course - every woman's different.). Pick one with as few connections and bits and pieces as possible. I made the mistake of getting the Medela Comfort Breastshield to replace my solid one3. It came apart in four bits and made sterilising in cold water a nightmare. Not great if you're pumping at work!

4.  Feed frequently

Really great advice a mother of two boys gave me: if they're hungry - feed them! With her first, she was going by the literature which said that her baby should be fed every four hours, but hers seemed to want feeding every hour. So she tried to spread it out but of course, he just cried harder, which made both of them miserable. She gave up in the end and just fed him when he was hungry. The result: much happier mum and much more satisfied bub. And that worked just fine for me.

5. Have back up milk

I had real problems with Plate latching on in the first few days (or was that weeks? It's all a blur). And she just cried and cried one night from midnight till dawn. I kept trying to feed her, but she would suckle for a few seconds then come off crying. I gave her a bit of Infacol (mistakenly thinking it was colic) and she went to sleep almost straight away..It wasn't until much later that I realised she wasn't getting anything from my boob. Best advice I received from midwife: give her some ready-made formula to top up her feed if you think she's not getting enough. We did, and eventually she didn't need the top-ups anymore and started putting on weight. Note: the formula was a top up - *not* replacement.

6. Feed yourself

You really are eating for two now. I have lost a stone since I gave birth. Truth! Ask anyone who knows me.

Cloth nappies are better than disposables - oh yes!

I admit, we used disposables the first few weeks of Plate's life. But that was mainly because we hadn't a clue what to do. The first night we came home, we went straight to the Outlaws. Initially it was so they could see bub, but then we had to change her and her clothes. The chaos and panic that ensued is funny now, but it was utterly distressing then. We couldn't get her sleepsuit on much less a nappy. We were terrible parents! Thankfully older (and less sleep deprived) heads were there to show us. Thank the 'verse for grandparents who live five minutes away.

Once we got used to caring for a squalling new human, we then ventured into cloth nappies. And what a bewildering array there is out there. I won't go into it here, but this page told me everything I needed to know: http://www.fill-your-pants.com/nappycomparison.html

I tried to be fair to disposables: I tried two brands of regular nappies (Huggies and Pampers) and two brands of eco-nappies (Bambo and Nature Babycare). I hated the regular ones: the way they stuck to bub's skin and the layers and layers of plasticky stuff made me queasy. The eco nappies were better but had a tendency to lose the poo! The worst part was disposal - put it in yet another plastic bag and add to the trash mountain. Cloth nappies won hands down.

The first nappies I tried were Smartipants and I was hooked4. They were lovely and soft on her skin, kept the poo and wee away, easy to clean, dried quick and best of all, I wouldn't need to buy different sizes. She started wearing them when she was about four weeks' old, is still wearing them at 14 months and there's still room to grow into them. We had a few leaks, but that's only because we didn't know how long to leave them on for or had put them on wrong. They contain poo beautifully. Poo-namis are a thing of the past.

Sleeping

When Plate was about 2 months old, she would cry despite having been fed and changed. And she would only calm down when she was carried. She also would suddenly drop off to sleep mid-cry but only for about 20 minutes then it would start all over again. I couldn't work it out. I knew it was sleep related but was floundering. The all-knowing web found me the "90 minute sleep programme" by Dr Polly Moore. It saved my sanity and helped us to learn good sleep habits. I don't completely agree with everything she advocates, but the basics are sound and today, although she sometimes fights it, Plate will go to sleep when she's tired and we know when she needs it, and how to get her to sleep. Definitely worth a read. I got mine out of the library at first before buying it. Her website is pretty useful too.

General what-I-have-learned-so-far

I have learned to trust myself. I don't believe in the maternal instinct - I think humans have by and large evolved beyond it - and I don't believe that every woman has it. But I know that I love my daughter, that I would do just about anything to protect her, nurture her and keep her happy. During my pregnancy, some of my senses were heightened - smell, hearing, sensitivity to others. I think post-partum, different senses have now come to the fore - for example, knowing when she's hurt and when she just wants mummy, knowing when she's hungry and when she just wants comfort. I guess you would call it the maternal instinct. :-)

A note about dummies: don't go out and buy them straight away. I tried four different types on Plate and she threw them all back at me. With increasing force, I might add. Plate is a dummy-free baby and I am secretly very proud of her for that.


While I was dispensing "wisdom" from my motherhood experience, FBB and Granddad A were tittivating the downstairs loo. It is now a snazzy shade of blah. But it's much brighter and seems a lot bigger. Kudos to the men. I will be dealing with all the paper in our house. Joy. I feel a bonfire coming on.

1. FBB has already decided it would be a boy and be called Z after the Z-Boys.

2.  I didn't get one with Plate - had gestational diabetes, so the birthing team insisted that she be constantly monitored. Not pleasant.

3. I melted it. I was sterilising my pump bits in the steamer and forgot about it. Not only did I kill the breastshield, I also killed her dummies5 and my steamer. 

4. And they now come in scrummy bright colours! And black. Shame we have all the nappies we need. :-(

5. Luckily she hates dummies so that was that.

Taking down the memories...

The first room in the house got de-personalised yesterday and it was rather sad. 

It was our downstairs loo - for those of you who have been to our house, you would be familiar with the walls plastered with posters, articles, pictures, tickets - the memorabilia of our lives.

The very first thing to go on the wall was an invitation to a wedding back in 2007 (J and C Woods, who now have a pair of beautiful twin girls). The last thing was an image from the Times' coverage1 of Chinese New Year 2012 (a fire breather in Manila) juxtaposed with a tag line from FBB's new pull-up bar ("Greatness is within"). 

Here is a selection of my personal favourites before FBB took them down2.

Clockwise from bottom left: Goodbye card from my last workplace, cover from Sonisphere 2010 guide, thank you card from newlyweds, brochure from Littleport's Adults-only Campsite, a police search warrant, thank you card, Andy Goldsworthy's installation in a public park.

The cat used to sit on top of the noticeboard outside the corner shop. It belonged to the former owner's now ex-wife. It didn't even twitch a whisker when I took this pic. Next to it is a burlesque performer whose name escapes me, and next to her is the Butterfly Nebula captured by the Hubble telescope.

I love beautifully designed maps - Alton Towers 2008. 

The puppies were from an article in the local paper. The ticket was for Henry Rollins' spoken word performance at the Junction, where I met him and he signed a book for me! He was tiny! Bottom row from L-R: Doro Pesch, *that* wedding invite and Richard Attenborough with the world's smallest chameleon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

President-Elect Barack Obama greets his supporters. 

 

The surreal image is by a Japanese photographer; the Chinese ladies are from a postcard from Singapore; the thing in the little baggie is FBB's tooth; the image next to the boat is from the Canadian riot in 2011 and the people ice-skating is publicity for Cambridge-on-Ice but they caught FBB's head in the background! We thought it was funny.

I just had to include this one. Really love the Storm Troopers shopping in John Lewis. The pic entitled Wowzer! was taken by me and won a prize at the village craft show

After all the stuff came down, the loo looked really empty. And I'd completely forgotten about the graffiti which I had done a few weeks after we moved in.

No prizes for knowing where this quote comes from. The arm that you can see is a life-size outline of FBB as drawn by a guest at our house-warming party in 2001.

I have a puerile sense of humour. 

And I shall miss our walls - they reminded us of some of the best times we had had over the last 10 years - FBB flying a plane, seeing Star Trek at the IMAX (and meeting Jean-Luc Picard's doppelganger), our fruitful Singapore holiday3 - along with some momentous world events - Hilary Clinton running for President, Barack Obama becoming President, the 20 year anniversary of Tian An Men - and all the strange, beautiful, interesting things we encountered, like the knitted brain, the fish with the transparent head and Mariella Frostrup's thought-provoking feature about ageism in the media.

The way is now clear for a new coat of paint, then it will really no longer be ours.

Browsing online tonight, I saw some truly ugly houses out there. Viewers to our very personal space will probably think we are completely taste-free, and possibly bonkers (they wouldn't be far wrong). But we love it. I guess I should say "loved it", since it's really not ours anymore. 

Tomorrow, I shall be "documenting" each room as it is now before Project De-Clutter truly gets underway.

1 Don't worry - we didn't buy it. It was abandoned in Cafe Nerro. FBB just snicked the picture out with his Swiss Army knife.

2 And lovingly stored them away into a box. Bless.

3 The fruit was our little Plate. We had tried for 2 years, then given up for another 2, and really did not think we were going to have a baby. It was some holiday! Miraculous even!

'Valuating the Estate Agents

Today we completed instructing Super Estate Agent... but I am getting ahead of myself.

JW planted the seed - why not sell your place yourself? Hmm. I have the marketing nous (I should hope so!) and I am pretty good at managing projects (make list, do list, boss someone into doing something on list) - it seemed like a good idea. 

Then we met Super Estate Agent (SEA). And the seed got blown away by the hurricane of this kid's talent1. He could sell our house back to us!

But we weren't entirely mesmerised by SEA - oh no, we were *good* house sellers and got four - not three - four, valuations/pitches. We were surprised by the range of prices we got: the highest was £150k, the lowest was £120k, maybe £118k. We also met a range of personalities: No. 1 was so slick, we were slipping and sliding in her wake. (We both put a big 'X' against that one five minutes after she left.) No. 2 was so 'honest and realistic', we wanted to drown in our mugs of tea. No. 42 was Reason incarnate and radiated Respectability but the valuation was so low, alarm bells went off in both our heads. We murmured our thanks and ushered him quietly out our door.

So that leaves us with No. 3. When we first met him, he was so shiny, we thought he was brand new. Turns out the kid had the Chat and was really 10 years older than he looked. The worst part was, he had us chanting to ourselves in our heads, "He is NOT your friend! He is NOT your friend! He is NOT your friend!". 

Futility.

As FBB says, "Good skills!" Let's hope we were right in our valuation.

Next blog: Remembering No. 22 - our home for the last 10 years before we de-clutter and de-personalise the place. Great times were had.

1 SEA looked about 12. He was geeking out in our house. "Ooh! Did you here Ripper is back on the cards?" "Wow! Judge Andersen!" "Bikes! Cars! Driving fast!".Oh, he had both our numbers. Turns out he's 37.

2 See? We didn't fall straight for SEA! We carried on with No. 4.

Segue: Babies, Babies Everywhere!

Today, I learnt that someone else I know is going to have a baby this year: that makes seven so far. I think there will be a bumper crop of Dragonets in 2012!

The sad thing is, I keep hearing the same thing over and over again: What DVD about breastfeeding? What NHS antenatal guide? NHS cuts mean many new mums are going to lose out on some of the things that I found exceedingly helpful. So I thought would share what support I got and what I learnt later on with everyone.

From Bump to Breastfeeding: following real mothers' stories to find out how

Me breastfeeding in first week

That DVD about breastfeeding was given to me by my midwife and is made by the charity Best Beginnings (BB) founded to reduce the inequalities in child health across the UK. You can find their films here: http://www.bestbeginnings.org.uk/breastfeeding

A word from an a breastfeeding veteran: I enjoy it much more now that I have been doing it for over a  year. But the beginning was definitely fraught - and painful. And it didn't help that I passed out minutes after Plate was born so she didn't get a chance to latch on immediately. I was lucky that I was able to push through the pain and the initial desperate fumblings. Now it's really quite pleasant, and very comforting for both of us1.

The NHS Pregnancy Book

When I found out I was pregnant, I went into panic book-buying mode. But there are hundreds of pregnancy books out there and I found it really hard to choose which one to use as a reference. So when my midwife handed me a guide by the NHS (an institution that I know and trust with no commercial agenda), I was so relieved I nearly peed myself. 

The Book became my bible, and served me well all the way through from my pregnancy to the first weeks after the Plate was born. But it seems the NHS do not give them out anymore and my dog-eared copy has mysteriously vanished2 . Thanks to my good friend Nev whose eagle eye spotted the URL on the back of my "Birth to Five" guide, here is the link to the NHS's own antenatal guide: http://www.dh.gov.uk/en/Publicationsandstatistics/Publications/PublicationsPolicyAndGuidance/DH_107302

National Childbirth Trust (NCT) Antenatal Classes

I cannot sing the praises of the NCT enough. They are a parenting charity that supports young families. It's run by parents for parents and have an excellent reputation. I had heard a lot about how intense and fast the NHS free antenatal classes were, so decided to spend the money on classes that will give FBB and I time to absorb everything. They are worth every penny. Not only will you get the time to take in all the amazing things that are happening and will happen to you, you will most likely make new friends who will become indispensable in the months following the birth. We certainly did and still hang out with our new friends. Find one near you here: http://www.nct.org.uk/courses

OK, have to stop here. Sleep calls (and the Plate in about 3 - 4 hours. I hope. Hoping more than she'll sleep till 7am!)

PS: Sign up to your local Children's Centre.They provide all sorts of services which are really handy for new parents: play groups, classes, drop-in sessions by the CAB, breastfeeding advice, etc. If you live in Cambs, this is the link: http://www.cambridgeshirechildrenscentres.org.uk/

 

NOTES

1.  Breastfeeding releases oxytocin, happy hormones! So it's a very relaxing time for me. I tend to fall asleep. Oxytocin is also known as the love hormone as it's believed to be released when people touch and hug each other. It apparently makes one feel loved. A whole episode of Alphas was based around this. Oh and it starts labour!

 

2.  I honestly cannot remember what I did with it! If you have my copy - I hope it serves you well. I'd be grateful if you pass it on when you're done.